Col. berke often proclaims
"Lol."
Your laugh has always struck me as rooted in great dispair. It is a kind
of laughing so as not to cry.
I have thought much upon this. I mentioned how your posts express great
bitterness and self loathing in your old age.
One thinks it comes of a life thrown this way and that by personal tragedy
and depression and injury to your personhood.
It appears a cry for being recognized and seeking empathy of others. It
speaks of the reality of social isolation and continued depression in the
short time remaining.
It is really quite sad to see a fellow human in such a state. There is an
answer of course.
And equally sad is the efforts to which you go to rouse a backlash against
yourself. It appears a desperate attempt to justify the negative thinking
about yourself by finding it in the responses of others. But you have been
running from God most of your life one thinks. But of course, where ever
you run, there God is.
May God bless and protect and provide the peace that passes all
understanding.